LAUGH-A-NITIONS

BY: Sydney L. Wheatley (SYDCHIP) 

FROM: SPARTANBURG COMMODORE USERS GROUP

For those of us who stay glued to our cpu and monitor screens, this is
dedicated. You won't find these in any standard dictionary. 
ASSUMED DECIMAL POINT - Located two positions to the right of a programmer's
current salary in estimating his own worth.

BINARY - The way a programmer's brain operates. (0=off 1=on)

BIT - The increment by which a programmer slowly goes mad.

CHAINING - A method project managers use to attach programmers to computers to
speed up output.

CHECKPOINT - The location from which a programmer must forget in order to be
successful.

CORE STORAGE - A receptacle for storing the center of apples.

COUNTER - A device over which drinks are served to programmers after they have
finished their coding assignment.

DIGITAL INTERFACING - The method by which programmers input code to a
computer, sometimes also known as INDEXING.

DISSASEMBLER - An unattended five year old child.

ERROR - What someone else makes when they don't agree with YOUR computer
output.

ERROR TRAPPING - Standard routines used to catch errors that users find AFTER
the bugs have been removed by the programmers.

EXTERNAL STORAGE - Wastebasket.

FIXED WORD LENGTH - Four letter words used by programmers.

FLOATING CONTROL - A characteristic exhibited when you have to go to the potty
but can't leave the computer.

FLOATING POINT - The absolute limit reached before floating control is lost.

FLOW CHART - A graphic demonstration of the fastest route to the restroom.

HOME COMPUTER - One thousand dollar door stop.

IF-THEN STATEMENT - A statement made by a programmer when his first coding
goes hay-wire.."IF this won't work..THEN maybe..." 

INPUT - Food, beverages of all types, aspirin, etc.

LEADING EDGE - Means that its so new, any buyers will be most helpful in
finding bugs.

MACRO - The last half of the expression of surprise as in...."Holy Macro".

MAIL-ORDER - A gamble. Try the NY lottery.

MEMORY DUMP - The babbling sounds made by a programmer as he goes through
amnesia or tries to explain how his program is suppose to work.

OUTPUT - The end result of INPUT. 
OUT-TO-LUNCH - Where your computer goes just before your intended save of 16
hours of coding work.

(LOCKUP) PROGRAMMER - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of intimate
conversation with inanimate objects.

SHRINK WRAP - What a psychologist does in comforting a depressed programmer.

STRUCTURED PROGRAMMING - The college class that all programmers fail.

TWO WEEKS - What software publishers tell you when you ask when their newly
advertised piece of software is going to be shipped. What this really means is
that they haven't finished it yet, but wanted to see how many people would
order it.

UPDATE - The newest version of a program that fixes bugs existing in the
earlier software version and introduces enough new bugs thus ensuring that the
the programmer will be kept on the payrole.

USER FRIENDLY - What first time users realize computers ain't. A term usually
spoken by the computer salesperson.

VAPOR-WARE - Means the same thing as "TWO WEEKS".
 
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