A Letter From HOME

Dear Son,

     Just a few lines to let you know I am still alive. I'm writing this
letter slowly because I know that you can't read fast. You won't know the
house when you come home. We've moved. I won't be able to give you the new
address as the last family that lived here took the numbers with them for
their next house, so they won't have to change their address.

     About your father, he has a lovely job. He now has 500 men under him. He
is cutting grass at the cemetery.

     There is a washing machine in the new house, but it isn't working too
good. Last week I put 12 shirts into it, pulled the chain and I haven't seen
the shirts yet!

     Your sister Mary had a baby this morning. I haven't found out if it's a
boy or a girl, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle.

     Your Uncle Dick drowned last week in a vat of Irish Whiskey in the
Daniels Distillery. Some of his fellow workers dived in to save him, but he
fought them off bravely. We cremated the body and it took 3 days to put the
fire out.

     Your father didn't have much to drink at Christmas. I put a bottle of
Castor Oil in his pint of beer. It kept him going until New Year's Eve.

     I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father came with me. The doctor
put a small tube into my mouth and told me not to open it for 10 minutes.Your
father offered to buy the tube from him.

     It only rained twice last week. First for three days and then for 4 days.
Monday it was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg 4 times.

     We had a letter from the undertaker yesterday. He said that if the last
installment wasn't paid on your Grandmother within 7 days, up she comes.

                                   Your loving mother

P.S. -  I was going to send you $20.00, but I already sealed the envelope.


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