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Headgap's List Of Things To Do To Make A Bad Web Site

  • Make no plan in advance of your site design, subject or theme (let it grow like a fungus).
  • Design your site with Frontpage using the "professionally" prepared templates or design it using Word.
  • Design your site with a 17"-21" Monitor taking full advantage of the screen width
  • Never check the site in any other platform or browser. Heck, if they aren't using the one you do they don't need to see your page.
  • Use the gif format for all photographs and jpg for all line art, save all images out in high quality at 300 dpi (or more), Use BMP graphics whenever possible.
  • If your images are too large on the page just size them down in the html editor.
  • Use many animations insuring that none have anything to add to the site.
  • Use clip art that came with your word processor, better yet animate it.
  • Use a splash entry page with large full screen graphics.
  • Add plenty of under construction graphics and animations.
  • Make sure you add the little "looks best when viewed by" this browser.
  • Make a flash only site or at least your front page flash with no option out.
  • Add shockwave or other plug ins and require it for the user.
  • Add music files to your pages with play on loop. Try to find the most irritating one you can like the hamsterdance <http://www.hampsterdance2.com> or the StarWars cantina song.
  • Center all text on the screen using no returns to break the text to encourage as many orphaned words as possible, use headline for body copy.
  • Include as much all upper case text as you can, italicize frequently and use plenty of exclamation points. Abbreviate and use lots of jargon. Never spellcheck or proofread.
  • Black backgrounds are a must, with red text preferably. Frames should also be used.
  • Include as much Java as you can adding as many "features" as possible.
  • Make sure your page and graphics total over 100k. If you have less go back and add more java and animations.
  • Use large buttons for navigation with cool java rollovers, heck make everything rollover. Never have text alternative links. Use symbols when possible.
  • Include as many links as you can, even if they have nothing to do with your topics. Add links that are frequently offline since the guy running the web server also uses it for online gaming.
  • Use AOL to host it (please) and provide free MP3 downloads on your page.
  • Pick as long a domain name as possible. Make sure none of the words in the domain have anything to do with the topic (do this for branding). Go for the .net name or .org name and make sure you sign up and give your credit card to everyone who is preregistering the other dot names.
  • Never have any contact information on your site or if you do, make sure it is well nested down several layers. This keeps those annoying emails and calls down from customers.
  • Use no metatags or include no robots.txt file in your site, or add unrelated tags to your page content. Never list your site with search engines.
  • Never update your site.

    This is all I can think of in 15 minutes. I know I left some choice ones out. Why not list your favorites up.

    Hopefully you learned something from this. I know the people that need to read this will not. They haven't read anything about web designing but now they are one.

    Want to learn more about the right things to do? Try this link: <http://www.wpdfd.com/> It goes to a site called Web Page Design For Designers. Want to see actual bad examples? Go to: <http://www.webpagesthatsuck.com/>.

    Looking to improve your site traffic? Read "Nunn Such" from WWWdot MagazineMagazine!

    I write a regular column for a local magazine WWWdot called Nunn Such. Read my latest web marketing suggestions from the TFBBS.com Press Release pages. Great tips and tricks to improve your web site traffic! See a web log of the sites I am presently working on.

    Headgap Systems now has an online store offering software and used hardware. Visit http://resale.headgap.com or PreOwnedMac.com

    Looking for more web content? Try my Web Content Links Page!

    Coupons and FreeStuff page. Auction Links page.

    Learn More about wireless broadband networking! Visit my Wireless Links page!

    New Scams

    You may want to think twice about the person who contacts you regarding the new .info domain names. Never mind they aren't really authorized to do this. You shouldn't give them your credit card number.

    I am sure that there are more than a few who have preregistered with these sleezoids and are waiting for their .biz, .nu, .vu, .info, .pro, .tv, .cc, .intl or some other dot something.

    Before you give some complete stranger your credit card and info about what domains may be valuable to you, you might want to read a bit about it. The info below is from Dotster.com <http://www.dotster.com/resources/newtld.asp>

    From Dotster: "Confused by registrars offering to "preregister" domains in the new TLDs? According to the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN), no one has been authorized to preregister these domain names as no companies have been accredited yet to register the new TLDs. Registration procedures have not been formalized and there are absolutely no guarantees that preregistered domain names will be awarded once the TLDs become operational. We are recommending that Dotster customers avoid preregistration sites for the reasons explained above. We are committed to implementing the new TLDs as soon as they're available and will keep you updated on ICANN's progress during the implementation."

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